Let It Be

What was it I said a month ago about expectations? That it is better not to have them, really, and things will go better. You will appreciate more, you will be open and genuine, you will learn more. Though I didn't expect much that's tangible when coming to Ecuador, it was not what I did expect, which was something close to falling head over heels with everything intangible about it. Sort of a ridiculous expectation, if you ask me. But because I didn't expect much else, I was able to be in Ecuador what I was: homesick, afraid, but learning. And there is one lesson in particular that had a hell of a time getting through to me, but through much scratching at my head, ruler-slapping at my wrists, and loudspeaker shouting at my heart, I have learned about love.

You may say that I'm a dreamer...and I would completely agree with you. I often set ambitious goals so that I can truly experience raw personal growth, and many of these goals I have accomplished. But that feeds into the whole thing, you see, and I have recently found myself to be almost living in this future I have planned for myself. Before I justified it all, saying that “I only have the next 5 years planned out but I don't know what I'll do after that, so I'm not being too crazy!” Well, dear little self, you were being crazy and it's time to come back from the future and start living in the present.

Why has this suddenly occurred to me? And why on Earth did it occur to me in Ecuador? Let me answer both questions by simply saying this: because I am in love. Yes, I am. And you all know who you are.

I have come to the realization that individual growth does not have to happen individually. Any sort of growth is personal, individual growth, and I don't need to go running around to every corner of the Earth by myself to fulfill this untapped individual growth, like I thought I did. I can grow with people, I do not have to do it alone! Why, if I am at a point in my life where I have companionship, should I take that for granted and flee for a month at a time so I can grow and learn on my own. (By the way, in case you are thinking this is just me being homesick, which I am, it is not entirely that because I have done this month abroad thing before-it is not a new experience and thus my argument is justified, hehe).  So long as my companionship does not bind me to my apartment floor, then why must I do these things alone? Maybe there will be a point in my life where I will be alone...then traveling alone for personal growth and exploration makes sense! Won't I begin to detach myself from these people that I love, thinking I'm better off this way, but in reality I have begun to draw a line of separation between us due to non-shared experiences? Maybe I'm being a little dramatic, but to prevent an addiction, don't we have to be?

It's good to have goals and dreams and desires, especially ones that you seriously want to achieve. But do yourself a favor and if you cannot begin achieving that goal now don't set a deadline. Stay connected to where you are, what you are doing, and who you are with. Because those things can change and there will be a time for those goals. Have them, love them, but keep them on the top shelf until it is present.

Ecuador has taught me flexibility. And not just because it can take around an hour to get your lunch at an empty restaurant. More of a mental flexibility, providing the knowledge to be present, allow growth with companionship, to stay open to opportunity, and to dream.

In so many words, Ecuador has taught me to Let It Be.